Ah? This again?

It's always when I start to think you've learned how to leave well enough alone. Hey! Enough should be enough, shouldn't it?! Whatever you think you're doing here is the least of my concerns! Honestly... can't even keep up with the story, how am I supposed to keep track of anything up here? Damn.

We could both be doing more important things right now!

...okay, seriously.

Why am I here?

Sure, you got some really good advice from the faceless people on the computer or whatever--I wouldn't be surprised if it was Donnie in disguise trying to tell you that this was a good idea--because guess what? It's not.

Look; I know I'm awesome - there's no doubt about that.

But you haven't done this in years.

Do you even remember how to do it?

Yea, you heard me; m'callin' you old.

'Cause you are.

Nobody's gonna talk to you here because you're crazy and making me talk to you in text form like the psychopath you are.

Seriously, I think Kraang Prime's more sane than you---

...

---wait what?

...

DID YOU MAKE A SHELLIN' SHORT JOKE ON TOP OF IT ALL?!

I already hate you---

STOP LAUGHING ALREADY!!!

Hey "player" (if that is even your name)

How come you'll mention that I have to put water on my cereal because I put out a towel fire with milk, but you won't say a word to plug my number one award-winning podcast? I literally put so much blood, sweat, and tears into making that happen. I work three jobs and sleep under a desk! And how come you won't talk enough about how I'm basically pretty much almost like the lead singer of the best goblin metal band in California?

You are the worst agent I've ever had. I'm going back to State Farm.

No love,
John

I'm glad you're happy with seeing us all again, even if you say it was too briskly-paced and... sorry, what's a music video? ... no, I don't know what you mean by a musical—oh, like a ballad opera?

It's a shame even the songs didn't reach the same heights of the original story's lyricism, but...

The chance to see Oscar again, even for a moment, alive and breathing, passionately pursuing her ideals... is worth the weight of the world and everything in it!

... is not getting to see me throw hot chocolate on Girodelle for insinuating keeping me as Oscar's lover, like some shameful secret, really that big of a loss? Compared to Rosalie and Bernard only having one scene each, not even together, or the dire state of Paris scrubbed clean of children murdered by nobles with impunity or young girls trying to sell themselves for money for ailing parents...

Oh, Rosalie has more than just that scene?

... so s-so small?!

((For everyone who didn't see them, here are the silly chibi shorts, a bit roughly translated, that were shown in theaters before the movie. Andre kicking Alain for interrupting the "movie date" is so funny. Parodic, like BeruBara Kids!))